It's been so long since I have yoga blogged. Life keeps us on a constant wheel of motion and it's so easy to keep rolling with it, harder to slow down, be still and get quiet. Recently, there was a death in my family. I never really know what to say to people when someone dies. Words just don't do justice to the deeply moving experience of death. In this case, the deceased was NOT one of my favorite people, making it even harder to delve into compassion and empathy, no tears were shed on my part. So, in an effort to play my part, I went into silence. I let everyone else around me speak their peace and recollect memories. They cried and felt empty with the new space around them. I savored the quiet moments in between visitors and when others were resting. I practiced my yoga, read a couple of books that have been collecting dust on my nightstand and simply became very present. As I moved deeper into my silence, I became ever more clear and lucid. The others became confused and disoriented, not knowing what to do next. It was all so clear to me, I had to stay quiet. The desert soon opened up. Beauty all around. Then,....... GRACE. There were moments when I knew the deceased was near letting me know that we were not alone. Moments of such sweetness that even I wan not capable of accepting. I wanted to be silent and still hold all of my grudges. That was not possible any longer. I accepted the beautiful flowers that floated to me in the river. I embraced the cloud formations of hearts every time I looked up, and made wishes to each shooting star that I saw at night. Silence kept me sane and allowed me to receive a little healing of my own hardened heart.
Love and peace always,
Living, loving and teaching in Santa Barbara, CA.